If I Could be Where you are

Haiz..
Disappointed is what I can say.
Well, emo and disappointed are 2 difference things.
I just don't know how to express the later one.

My small diappointment would be
I can't able to watch HSM on ice live.
Today is the last day.
Although it is not the original people who are acting,
however,
I wish that I could watch it.
There might be no second chance anymore for me.
Don't say about 2nd chance,
now there is not even a chance for me >.<

Actually I can go,
I can go alone,
however,
when looking high up the sky,
I am scattered,
it's gonna rain,
if someone going with me,
at least there is someone for me to rely on if I am having trouble.
I used around 2 hours to sms or call all my possible friends in my contact list.

Well,
I have lots of contact numbers and friends,
the sad thing is,
there is not even one who is willing to pei me.
Another sentence would be,
I dunno who to ask also,
as the lists go on,
I have crossed out all the impossible ones,
in the end,
just left with a few,
in the end,
to no avail,
I am in vain.

My mum wanted to pei me,
but she just finish her meeting in KL,
I don't wish to burden her =.=

Actually my greatest disappoinment is myself,
I am not sure what's wrong with me,
my luck is always so bad,
I am always PHAIL,
not to say that pathetic,
I just don't know how to be a human.
Although my circle of friends is big,
but I am not sure who is the one who willing be my side when I am facing difficulties.

When ppl need me or my help,
I would try my best to help regardless my tight schedule or conveniency,
however,
when I need ppl badly,
there is no one willing to stand up for me.
I am hopeless,
I just don't know how to express myself.
I just don't know how to correct things,
I just don't know what to do,
I am moderately happy but would it be sustainable enough in M'sia?

I just wish I could go there immediately,
leaving this sad place is my only hope.
To start all over again,
where there is no one knows me,
where there is no one recognises me,
I,
just want to keep a low profile,
I,
just a small girl who has high hope on future,
I,
just a normal girl who likes to travel and eat,
I,
just a not fat nor skinny girl who always wish to be like other normal girls,
I,
just speechless now.

The moment of kept scrolling down the contact list,
would keep in my mind,
this would remind me when I am hopeless once more,
I am sorry once more,
I just don't know what to say nor do.

What I wanna do now is waiting for my mummy,
wanna hug her tight tight,
although wanna bla,
but will only in my heart,
I don't want anyone to feel sorry or sympathy on me,
I am still a strong girl, remember?

Gosh, sorry my post looks like damn emo,
but I still ok XD,
The thoughts are flowing unstoppable.
Frankly, my heart is harden now.
What I wish is just one thing,
to fly there.
to fly alone in a happier place,
where there are laughter and joyment.

Oh crap, I just can't stop typing,
cos I am numb,
I am already mamu with this kind of lifestyle.
Everything i did, there surely would be a bad consequence happened,
I,
am speechless once more.
However,
I am patience and calm enough to know what I am going to do.
I hope I would achieve my big dream,
I,
just want to have a normal but unique life.
I do not mind whether you say I am weird or not,
I am just being myself.

I
am crapping nonsense,
I think....zzzzzzz

Watching Shin Chan alone really can cheer my day,
hahahahahahahahaha is my laughter for the day,
Today I have become old.
Why?
Cos I kept sighing like Shin Chan's parents. Haiz

Now,
suddenly my music shuffle to Tifa's Theme, Nobuo Uematsu, Final Fantasy VII piano collection,
it makes my heart bumping fast without direction,
I once more,
has waken up from dream,
time to face the challenging world.

I need your hugs,
can I hug you tight tight without letting go?

Thank you. God bless.XD

Amithabha