I want the old me back

Lately, laziness has keep saying hello to me which I could barely control it. Well, I always wanted to change my blog skin but am too lazy as it might take up much of my time and energy, so, for the time being, I have decided to choose randomly from the blogspot template.

Today I was overly exhausted plus with severe headache due to strenuous squash playing, outing with a new friend and went for choir rehearsal yesterday. Frankly speaking, I really love playing squash although yesterday I was way too weak to hit the ball. Guess that my stamina has deteriorated pretty fast and the worst mistake I has made was skipping my breakfast. That was my worst case scenario whenever having heavy exercise after that.  Yea, I have to learn from my own mistake. Besides, I have to buck up my stamina and playing skills so that next time I could rematch with my dad.

Today I have used up plenty of time for thinking. It is kinda normal for me but this time there is something disturbing my mind. It seem to bother me alot although I am trying to ignore it. I don’t wish to have any distraction as it is losing out my mind sometimes especially when I couldn’t figure it out what exactly thinggy is that.

Well, looking through some of my posts and realize that I have not actually blogged it seriously although describing my daily activities are part of my style of blogging. But then, the problem is I don’t really know how to express myself through words. It is suck sometimes when you couldn’t write what you actually want to say it out. On the other hand, things that I have written might become a different version of definitions from my origin thoughts and all these sentences could be misinterpreted by readers. That’s the hard part as well as sad part for me. Seriously, I don’t wish my readers to interpret wrongly on what I have written so far. If you have any doubt on anything that I have written, feel free to ask me.

Personally, I love joining volunteering organizations as well as extra co-curricular activities. First of all, I really hope that with my little strength, I could at least help a small amount of people without wanting any reward at all. From all these experiences so far, it has enriched my life and I get to know more lovely friends. Their kindness and caring heart have truly made me feel at home and warm.

However, since 2 years ago, that was the time when I have changed tremendously from a noisy girl to a quiet girl has given me much negative impacts than positive ones in my life. I have forgotten how to communicate efficiently with people and has become so shy that I couldn’t imagine that is me. It sadden me often especially when I have been isolated by others. I really don’t know how to react with this kind of situation. I do believe that there is no way to change others but to change yourself. I have tried hard to adapt the environment but sometimes I phailed as I don’t really know the right way to begin with. I need some pointers, can I?

I am really happy to see so many of my friends are having sweet time with their loved ones. Yea, I admit that I am jealous of them because they have someone to accompany them when they are sad or share their happiness together. My family members are my best companion to me but they are way way far from me now. I really wish to have someone that I could laugh heartily, cry on, spill out and share on everything regardless it is a female or male. As I said before, I don’t want to engage with any relationship for now though it was amazing that my parents did ask me whether I have bf this kind of question. They said I am kinda crazy to promise myself with the promise that I have made one year ago. Well, no comment on that. What comes and goes, everything depends on timing and fate.

Spotted this sentence in one of my friend's’ status

有些东西不需要说出口.... 也许藏在心里会好一些.....

This is what I have been doing as long as I could remember. I don’t usually share everything with everyone even my parents because I don’t want to burden everyone nor irritate you. So, I prefer to be quiet sometimes. Friends said I am definitely is a brave girl, but the inner me, I am unsure about that. I dislike to say that I am weak nor too brave as everyone loves to be protected especially girls. I am not a tom boy as what you might think in your mind. Loved and being loved are a wonderful thing, isn’t it?

I felt restless, helpless and wuliao sometimes. Uni life is not that good when you have plenty of time to spare. That’s another reason why I hook up with so many activities. I am not a person who can sit still and read academic books for the whole day or caging myself in my own room. I have thought of working as a part timer as what my friend has become but I wanted to learn more things that I like besides than earning money. There would be always some obstacles before you really want to achieve something, right? No money no talk is a really true sentence. Without money, I could not travel, could not buy new lens, could not online, could not eat, could not study, etc…….

Guess that I have crapped too much with unorganized thoughts and paragraphs. Yea, I am pretty sad now but would be alright after sometimes.

Many friends of mine have been fallen sick. Do take care everyone and stay healthy always.

God blessed.

=)