Moody Holiday

Haiz.. Now I am in the middle of noway. I feel lost and lonely. I am helpless of helping myself to be more happy and have a wonderful holiday. Holiday has started but I seem to have no plan for my holiday. All my pre-plans for this holiday have gone. I don't know what should I do now. Where are all my friends? Am I a person that easy being bully by people? Why it will be like this? Why you all like to bully me? I already in the midst of solemn, you still want to hurt me. Why? Why there is no justice for me? Everything has fixed and always I am the one who are being the loser. Why?

Few weeks have just gone. I still can't figure out lately what has happened to me. I just don not have the gut to stand up. I scare being hurt again. I try to be strong but sometimes it is hard to be when you are not yet ready for it. I feel very stress in the moment. There are a lot of things I have not done properly but I have no motivation to continue. Everyday just lie on the bed and looking at the ceiling without doing anything. I scare I am wasting my time but I really do not feel to do anything. There is no clear direction where I am going now. I am very blur and hope that the only person can help to solve my problem is myself. There is no trusted friends outside the world. Everyone is hardly to be trusted. Why?? Is it my fault again?

Hopefully, I have a more cheerful 18th that is coming soon and wonderful christmas that I aways longing to have in the future. haiz..................................